


Do you love me?

by QuietArtemis



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulation, Mindfuck, Multi, No beta we fall like Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 13:55:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20694656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietArtemis/pseuds/QuietArtemis
Summary: Rejected and vulnerable, Crowley finds himself in trouble with two demons of lust. Desperate for anything resembling love, he is willing to accept their lies as absolute truths.





	Do you love me?

**Author's Note:**

> Asmodeus faceclaim - Colin Farrell in Fright Night  
Lilith faceclaim - Aaliyah in Queen of the Damned
> 
> I used bold and italics for Asmodeus and Lilith's dialogue to highlight they use their tempation skills.

“ **Ah, sulking, I see?** ” said a voice Crowley only vaguely recognized. The demon whipped around and saw a handsome man with dark hair and even darker eyes. A teasing smile played upon a the stranger’s face.

Crowley frowned, looking for a name to match the face.

“Asmodeus…” he mumbled in recognition. Cold shiver ran down his spine. “I thought Hell was supposed to leave me alone.”

“ **Beelz, maybe… But I? I never signed such agreement,** ” Asmodeus smiled, approaching Anthony like a predator stalking its prey.

“What can I do for you?” Crowley asked, aiming for nonchalance and failing miserably.

“ **Oh… Quite a lot, actually…** ” the other demon’s smile widened unnaturally, twisting the handsome face into a terrifying one. Before Crowley could scream for help, he was taken from his flat and thrown into impenetrable darkness.

Aziraphale felt just a little bit bad for turning Crowley down on every turn. He felt for the demon, but such relationships simply weren’t allowed. Their severed ties with Heaven and Hell did not change that. After failed Armageddon, Aziraphale was almost tempted to have Crowley in his life in a capacity he always wanted, but backed out of it last minute. He did not want to Fall. A disgraced demon is still a demon, and angels could not consort with them without risk of falling.

Jonathan was a nice distraction from everything that went in Aziraphale’s life. John was a nephilim himself which made him a perfect companion for the angel. He was also polite, gentle and a bookworm like Aziraphale himself.

He was nothing like Crowley at all, which was both a blessing and a curse.

It was a stormy day outside when the angel and his boyfriend sat in Aziraphale’s bookshop. The angel couldn’t help but wonder about this violent weather - there was something vaguely demonic about it. It had nothing of Crowley’s aura, though. Not that Crowley would knowingly cause such a downpour willingly.

Aziraphale looked at the door, unable to focus on his book. The weather was worrisome but so was Crowley’s absence in his life. It seemed his dear friend finally followed Aziraphale’s request and left him alone… for good.

If the angel felt a twinge of regret in his heart, he would not admit it out loud.

“Everything okay?” the nephilim asked. Jade-green eyes looked at him with concern.

“I’m not sure,” Aziraphale frowned. “There’s something evil hanging in the air.”

“Maybe your ex-friend is throwing a tantrum,” John chuckled, making the angel glare at him.

“No. Crowley’s aura is mischievous at most. This thing is downright menacing.” Aziraphale said, deciding to brush off the other’s insult directed at Crowley. It seemed as though there was some underlying jealousy in John over a demon he didn’t even have a chance to meet. “I better see for myself what’s this about.”

“Don’t tell me you’re checking on your demonic pal?” the nephilim snorted.

“I’m not,” Aziraphale glared. “I don’t know what’s your problem with him anyways. You two never even met! I didn’t see him in nearly two years now. You have no reason to be jealous.”

John considered the angel’s words for a while, but his feelings weren’t quenched.

“Then why do you look at me like you wished you saw someone else?” he asked. “I can tell you’re hanged up on him. Whatever you two had, you never got over it.”

“I knew him for six thousand years, Jonathan! It’s hard to get over someone you knew for that long,” Aziraphale explained.

“Give me a call when you do,” John said and walked out the door right into the raging storm without a second glance. The angel wanted to follow him, but in that moment he felt Crowley’s presence ripped from the world. Aziraphale paled, dreading to find out what had happened to the demon. Without thinking twice, he ran to Crowley’s apartment.

The place was empty, but the stench of Hell was filling the air. Aziraphale immediately realized there must have been someone there with Crowley, but couldn’t recognize that particular energy. He knew it was a high-ranked demon for sure, but one he never had a displeasure of interacting with.

What did this creature want to do with his friend, Aziraphale could only guess.

  
  


Crowley was thrown in a dark, empty cell. His clothes were changed into dirty, black robes, his glasses taken from him and his wings forced into existence. Heavy shackles bound his hands and feet, making him completely vulnerable.

“**This is a special room, _my dear_,**” Asmodeus grinned, mockingly calling Crowley like his angel used to. “**You will find out soon…**”

With that, the other demon locked the door and walked away. Crowley was left completely alone or so he thought.

Pictures of Aziraphale and some man floated in the air. Angel looked quite happy, holding hands and kissing the stranger. Some would just show the two enjoying each other’s company. Others would explicitly show them in passionate lovemaking sessions. Crowley’s heart broke a little, but he would be happy for his angel even if it hurt.

_ “He doesn’t want you…” _ A whispering female voice echoed in the chamber.  _ “He could never love a thing like you. A failure of an angel, a failure of a demon… How pathetic you are.” _

“That’s not true! I’m not pathetic! He might not love me like this, but our friendship was true!” Crowley growled.

_ “But it wasn’t enough for you… It never would be. You wanted his love. Angels are made to love, but… they aren’t made to love ugly, little demons like yourself.” _

“Shut the fuck up!”

The voice giggled.

_ “Sorry little thing…” _ the voice teased. _ “After six thousand years, you’d think he’s bound to fall in love with you at some point. And yet, you were only a tool for him to get what he wanted - food, books, stopping Apocalypse. You were his errand boy, hoping some day you’d earn his love, but… after all you did for him, he never chose you. You risked your freedom, an eternal torment and your own life for him. You became disloyal to Hell and your own Prince, even King of Hell as well. And how did he repay you? He shut the door in your face, severing a bond that lasted six millennia.” _

Crowley searched for a retort but couldn’t find one. The voice spoke what his heart knew.

_ “And now, after he used you to the fullest, he’s romancing a nephilim. Aren’t they happy? Look how they radiate with love!” _

The demon swallowed tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He curled on the floor, wrapping his wings in tight cocoon around his body.

_ “But we can love you, Crowley…” _ the voice cooed sweetly. _ “Asmodeus is right in love with you - your mischief and readiness to question, and I simply can’t resist a good boy who shows his love with actions rather than pretty words.” _

“Who are you?” he asked quietly between the sobs.

_ “I am Lilith,”  _ said a beautiful female-looking demon with pitch black eyes and pink irises.  _ “And I’m ready to love you like you always wanted.” _

Aziraphale could no longer enter Heaven nor Hell. He banged at the entry to the familiar building, but the door remained tightly shut. From this close he could sense Crowley’s presence like a distant echo. There was nothing he could do. His prayers felt like they were reaching nowhere, too.

Feeling defeated and upset, Aziraphale went back to his bookshop. For the first time in his eternal lifetime, he considered falling asleep like Crowley did.

He ended up taking a two day long nap. He made up with John and neither of them talked about their tiff anymore. Crowley was still gone from this Earth, which drove Aziraphale crazy and put the nephilim at ease.

There was a gaping wound in the world without the demon in it. The energy as old as the Creation itself was suddenly missing with nothing to replace it. 

“Want some hot chocolate?” John asked.

Aziraphale absentmindedly nodded, trying to make sense of the words on the page of his book.

Hands were touching him everywhere. A pull, a caress, a gentle teasing… Two pairs of lips left lovely kisses all over his body.

_ “You’re beautiful....” _

**“So precious, indeed.”**

_ “What a lovely thing you are!” _

**“We will treasure you, forever and always.”**

_ “You have to be good to us, though. You will, won’t you, love?” _

**“Listen to us, and you will never have to be alone again.”**

_ “Caught in our arms, safe and loved.” _

**“Like you were always meant to be.”**

_ “Angels don’t love demons, but we’re not angels, aren’t we?” _

**“We love you.”**

_ “Angels don’t love demons.” _

**“We love you. Cherish you. Want you with us, always.”**

_ “Angels don’t love demons, so forget about him.” _

**“Angels don’t love demons, so forget about him.”**

_ “Angels don’t love demons and we don’t love angels.” _

**“Angels don’t love demons and we don’t love angels.”**

“Angels don’t love demons and we don’t love angels.”

**“Do you love us?”**

“Yes, I love you. Do you love me?”

_ “Yes, we do.” _

**“We love you more than anything.”**

It was bliss. It was ecstasy. Crowley couldn’t tell where his body ended and their bodies began. Such a beautiful mess of limbs and lust… He couldn’t get enough.

Spring came around but unease never left Aziraphale. He was still taking care of his bookshop, still not selling books if he could help it and still trying to find a way to contact Crowley.

John invited him for short holidays just outside London. A peaceful, little place with trees and cute little houses. He was as happy there as he could be. Change of scenery was nice, but the crushing weight of Crowley’s absence was getting to him. While John slept, Aziraphale sometimes cried.

There was no end to this… The angel wondered if he didn’t turn the demon down that day, would it be different:? Would his dear friend be here now, safe and sound?

The day he and John were supposed to leave, a vile, violent energy ripped through the world. Aziraphale sensed Crowley but… he felt different. There was presence of someone else with him, an energy he sensed at his friend’s house and someone else, just as powerful.

“Oh, come the fuck on…” John grumbled. “Just when we were back on track, he comes back and you’re ready to go to him and save his ass from whatever trouble he got himself into!”

“He saved me multiple times across the millennia. I owe it to him,” Aziraphale said primly.

“You don’t owe him shit!” the nephilim snarled, two stunted grey wings sprouting from his back. “He did it because he wanted to, not because you asked.”

“He did it because he was a good friend and I paid him back awfully,” the angel argued. “I’m sorry you feel hurt, but he is in grave danger and I won’t leave him alone.”

Aziraphale teleported himself back to London, leaving very unhappy John behind.

For the first time in his existence, Crowley felt no regret nor shame, committing demonic deeds with Lilith and Asmodeus at his side. Any guilt he might have had was gone and replace by warm feeling of being complete and understood. Well, almost complete and almost understood… A part of him still yearned for Aziraphale, but it was too miniscule to influence any good on him.

“_You did a great job, Crowley,_” Lilith cooed in his ear, giving his cheek a peck.

“**You made us very happy today. We’re proud of the progress you’ve made**,” Asmodeus purred.

“_Let us make love to you._” she whispered and Crowley couldn’t help but follow. He felt like he was carried by the current when he was with them. There was nothing to worry about - no second guessing, no endless struggle between right or wrong. It was easy to follow the two demons into whatever they made him do next. Besides, he knew he would not like to be abandoned yet again. Crowley decided he’d rather be the worst demon with them than a lonely one without them.

London felt like thick layer of evil covered the whole city. Misery and sin hung heavily in the air like a black cloud. Aziraphale nearly felt sick at the sensation. The source of it moved round quickly in probably a random pattern. The angel restlessly searched for Crowley and whoever was with him.

He found them two hours later and Aziraphale’s jaw dropped.

In a club, among aggressive, lust-filled humans stood his friend and two other demons. The angel knew them from the pictures show to him in Heaven - they were Lilith and Asmodeus, both known for their affiliation to Lust.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale called out. “Crowley, it’s me! I came to rescue you. Please, step away from them.”

His friend looked at him. Without any sunglasses to protect the snake-like eyes, the angel saw two yellow orbs staring at him blankly. There seemed to be no thought nor recognition in them. Aziraphale gasped, terrified.

“What have you done to him?!” the angel cried out. Two powerful demons laughed in reply, making him shiver in dread.

“**Nothing much**,” Asmodeus smirked.

“_We only stole his broken, little heart_,” Lilith grinned, her golden hand running down Crowley’s chest. “_Darling? It’s time you got rid of the angel._”

To Aziraphale’s horror, his friend nodded. Crowley wielded ugly looking long knife as he strutted towards him with a purpose. The angel was too shocked and scared to move.

“Crowley? Crowley, please, stop this,” he begged. “I don’t want to fight you, my dear!”

The demon looked at him with the same blank expression as before. He didn’t raise the knife which Aziraphale considered a success.

“Crowley, this isn’t you. They manipulated you to do awful things. You’re not like that! You’re good and kind, and you love the world and humanity so much! You’re my friend. My best friend. Please, don’t do this.”

“_Don’t listen to him, darling,_” Lilith said. _“He only says this to save his skin. Angels don’t love demons. We’re not angels, though, and we love you. Do it for us, Crowley. Do it for yourself and be free from the feeling that has been poisoning you for way too long._”

“**Do it, love,**” Asmodeus encouraged. “**You will do it if you love us. You want to make me and Lilith happy, don’t you? So do as we ask and be forever happy with us or face the consequences.**”

“_Remember we have a special place in Hell for you, Crowley. You wouldn’t want to return there, would you? It's such a cold, lonely place..._”

Aziraphale looked in his friend’s eyes and saw growing conflict in those beautiful, golden orbs. A heart-wrenching sob escaped Crowley’s mouth. Bloody tears ran down the pale face. The angel reached out to brush them off.

“I-... I-I-I… I can’t!” the demon screamed. Before anyone could react, Crowley slit his own throat.

“Crowley, no!” Aziraphale shouted, catching the lifeless body and cradling it close. He knew this weapon would only discorporate a demon, but it was beyond upsetting to see his friend commit suicide in front of him, no matter how temporary it was. “What did you do to him?” the angel hissed, ready to attack.

“_Ah, back to training it is,_” Lilith sighed, completely ignoring Aziraphale’s question. Asmodeus didn’t seem interested in answering, either, as he only nodded and mumbled something in her ear before the both of them disappeared in a column of Hellfire.

_ “You were a bad pet, darling, but we’re willing to forgive you.” _

**“Remember, angels don’t love demons.”**

_ “Angels don’t love demons.” _

“Angels don’t love demons.”

“Angels don’t love demons.”

“Angels don’t love demons.”

“Angels don’t love demons...”

Aziraphale was pacing in his bookshop, trying to find a way to Hell. There weren’t many options for him and he tried all of which he could think of. Help came from the least expected person.

Gabriel.

“Archangel Gabriel?” Aziraphale asked, surprised, when he heard familiar noise of angel apparating. “What are you doing here?”

“I came with the orders from our Lord,” archangel said, not looking too pleased to be back there again. “She asked me to give you this and that you’re ought to contact Adam. Lilith and Asmodeus are causing much ruckus on Earth and in Hell. Her Grace will guide you both in your endeavors.”

Aziraphale took clothed item from Gabriel’s hands. It was his old sword, the one he was given to guard the Garden with and permanently taken away after Armageddon.

“Thank you, Gabriel,” the Principality smiled. “I’ll make sure to..”

The archangel just nodded dismissively and vanished in pure white light.

Aziraphale didn’t waste another moment and rushed to Tadfield. Adam was already waiting for him with stormy expression and demonic eyes. Aziraphale was never scared of him until now.

“They will regret hurting uncle Crowley,” he promised in a hiss.

“Angels don’t love demons… Angels don’t love demons… Only Lilith and Asmodeus love me… Only they care… Must make them happy… I must be a good pet…” Crowley mumbled, swaying back and forth and picking out feathers from his wings. He was still stuck in his cell, fed with the same promises and reassurances as ever. 

He didn’t look now much different from other demons - sad, blank expression, dirty clothes and patches of snake skin on his body. His wings looked like a mess - broken and missing half of the feathers. Lilith and Asmodeus treated him to a special training session. It hurt so very badly, but they made their point - he belonged to them. Each slash and bruise was their claim. Every broken bone was their seal. They did it because they loved him and needed to correct him. Crowley trusted their decisions.

He was ruined in a way only they would find fetching.

Surprisingly, Crowley didn’t mind. Maybe even took some pride in belonging to someone when he was this ugly and broken.

“This way,” Adam said, leading Aziraphale through crowds of demons and tormented souls. No one dared to step in their way. The angel vaguely remembered Red Sea parting for Moses, but the comparison felt very out of place.

The sword in Aziraphale’s hand burned brightly with Holy Flame. No one dared to come close or threaten him. Still, the angel was terrified as he and Adam walked into deeper and deeper bowels of Hell. The place was awful - much worse than what he experienced last time. Screams, wails and sound of crunching bones were the only sound filling the vast corridors.

They finally found Crowley’s cell. Adam ordered one of the guards to open it which the demon did, not daring to oppose the Antichrist himself.

“You talk to him and I will remind all of Hell you two are to be left alone,” the Antichrist said with fierce determination, leaving the angel and the demon alone in the room.

Aziraphale cried, seeing the miserable creature his friend had became.

“Oh, my darling…” he sobbed, kneeling by the demon on the dirty floor. “It’s me, Aziraphale. Do you remember me?”

Crowley blinked like he tried to shake off a hallucination.

“It’s me, darling. I came back for you. Let’s get you out of here, shall we?” he smiled and tried to reach out for his friend. The demon shied from his touch and curled against a wall.

“Only Lilith and Asmodeus love me… Can’t disobey… Must be good…” he mumbled over and over like a mantra, picking out feathers as punishment for imagining Aziraphale.

“That’s not true! I love you, Crowley,” the angel whispered, making Crowley shake his head. 

“Angels don’t love demons… Angels don’t love demons. Aziraphale would never love me. I’m a vile, vile beast. Pathetic and disgusting. Angels don’t love demons…”

“Crowley, please!” the angel cried out through sobs. He couldn’t take it. To see his friend like this broke his heart in a million pieces. “I am here and I love you! Return to Earth with me! I will stay with you here, but you have so many people who love you - Warlock, Adam, Anathema and Newt… Your elderly neighbor, Mrs Sofia… Even your Bentley and your plants love you. There’s a wound you left in the world. Earth needs your presence to be complete. I need you there to be complete! Please, come back home with me!”

Crowley only continued mumbling to himself as more of dirty black feathers covered the floor. 

“Alright…” Aziraphale said. “I will stay here with you if I have to. I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

The angel put the flaming sword on the ground and moved towards Crowley to embrace his friend. The demon froze in his touch for a moment until very real warmth seeped through his clothes and into his cold flesh.

“You’re here…” Crowley mumbled with some recognition, awe and wonder.

“I am,” Aziraphale smiled through the tears. “And I’m taking you home.”

The demon said nothing, resting his head on the angel’s shoulder. Adam approached them and healed some of the damage done to his “uncle”.

“I can’t undo everything they did. I mended his bones and fixed his wounds, but his wings and mind have to do the healing of their own.” Antichrist explained. “I lifted the curse Lilith and Asmodeus placed on him, too. He will see their manipulation and torture for what it is in due time, but I can’t say he comes back unscathed. Let’s go back now before those two assholes come here and I'll have to destroy them. My so-called father wouldn't like that.”

Aziraphale couldn’t agree more.

Crowley slept the entire time since Adam and Aziraphale got him out of Hell. The angel knew that his snake characteristics made Crowley particularly sensitive to cold, so he made sure to wrap the demon in warm blankets and put heating pad, too. Before that, the angel gave him a long wash, too, getting rid of blood, dirt and Hell’s stench.

Right now, Aziraphale was sitting on the couch with his friend’s head in his lap and watching him sleep fretfully. The angel brushed his fingers through silky red locks, easing Crowley back into peaceful dream. It worked like a charm and the demon soon relaxed.

“I’m so sorry I pushed you away. If I was true to my own heart, you’d never be in harm’s way, never made a target to those monsters,” Aziraphale whispered and kissed Crowley’s still cool forehead. “I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”

Door slammed open, snapping Aziraphale out of his ruminations.

“Ah, so you are shacking up with him, after all?” John demanded, seething visibly.

“I’m not ‘shacking up’ with Crowley. He is sick. He’s been caught by two powerful demons, tormented and maybe even broken beyond repair,” the angel said, angrily. “Nothing happened between me and him, and if you were aware in how delicate condition he is right now, you’d never even suggest such a thing! They made him all but a toy, completely dependant on their will! When I tried to talk to him it was like he was an empty shell! A puppet without mind of his own!”

John clenched his jaw. Aziraphale sounded honest, but it didn’t change the nephilim’s feelings on the situation.

“He’s a demon. He belongs in Hell. And yet, here he is in your lap, good as a puppy.” Jonathan snarled with disgust.

“Nothing! Happened! He’s unconscious anyways, for God’s sake!”

“Well, I don’t care. I’m done playing a replacement for that thing,” the nephilim said with all hatred he accumulated over the time of his and Aziraphale’s relationship. Before the angel could reply and defend Crowley from the insult, John was gone.

The demon, meanwhile, slept completely undisturbed by the shouting.

“How is he?” Adam asked the next day, visiting the bookshop. He watched Crowley’s prone body resting between covers and pillows.

“No changes,” Aziraphale sighed. “I’m not sure when he’ll be waking up. I’m very grateful for your help. How did you know I was coming?”

“Oh… that asshole archangel with smarmy smile came to me with God’s request. Seems to me like Grandma is looking out for both of you. She’s not given up on uncle Crowley.”

“Grandma?...” Aziraphale blinked. He never heard anyone calling God such.

“Well. She kind of is, right? She’s a mom to my dad.” Adam shrugged.

“I see. Indeed, you’re right,” the angel smiled. If calling God ‘grandma’ made Adam feel closer to Her, he wasn’t going to question him. “Do you talk to Her often?”

“Sometimes. She’s really fun, but very busy. Kind of sucks She sent Gabriel instead of visiting me Herself, but I get it… I don’t think any human or angelic body would able to contain all of Her. Did you know She likes video games? We had tons of fun playing World of Warcraft!”

“World of… what?” the angel asked, confused. “You might want to wait for Crowley to tell this story. I’m not very good with modern technology.”

“Oh, that’s fine!” Adam smiled. “I’ll tell you all about it.”

They did just that. They talked about things Aziraphale didn’t quite understand, but the Antichrist was eager to explain. He even let the angel play some mobile games and Aziraphale quickly discovered he was rather enjoying them. Every once in a while, they’d check on Crowley and make sure he’s warm but not overheated.

“I’ve got to teleport home before mom gets upset,” Adam said. “Call me if uncle Crowley wakes up. Maybe give Anathema a ring, too? She mentioned how you went silent on her. Madame Tracy also worries.”

Aziraphale nodded and waved Adam goodbye as the Antichrist left the bookshop with a spark of demonic miracle. Now, the angel was left again in the silent space with sleeping demon on his couch.

Crowley woke up, feeling dazed and in pain. He groaned loudly, looking around to assess his surroundings. He was in Aziraphale’s bookshop of all places… He didn’t recall how he got there, but he did remember his last moments in Hell.

A cold shiver ran down his spine.

“Oh, thank God! You woke up! It’s been nearly a month!” the angel cried out, appearing in the room seemingly out of nowhere. Crowley thanked Somebody for his enhanced senses, or he’d have squeaked in surprise.

“A month?” the demon frowned. His throat felt dry and weird from misuse. “How did I get here?”

“I brought you here, silly,” Aziraphale smiled and knelt by the couch, taking Crowley’s hand in his own. “You’ve got yourself in trouble with some demons. They did some truly awful things to you… Probably more than I know of. You’re safe here now.”

Now he remembered. Lilith and Asmodeus.

“Oh, no! I need to go back!” the demon cried out, sitting up too fast for his weakened body. “They’ll look for me! Think I misbehaved! They’ll abandon me…”

“Hush. hush, shhh…” mumbled Aziraphale, wrapping his arms around Crowley in comforting embrace. “They’ll think no such thing. Adam went Down There with me and in rather strict words demanded your release. If those demons know what good for them and didn’t return until now, they won’t at all. You’re safe here, I swear.”

To the angel’s absolute horror, Crowley cried. He cried in loud sobs, his tears of crimson were wetting his shirt profusely.

“No… You can’t do that,” the demon whined. “They… they took me in. Cared for me. Loved me. They are the only ones who did that! Don’t take them away from me...”

Aziraphale felt his own heart break.

“That’s not true, my dear,” the angel whispered. “I love you. Anathema and Newt, Adam, Warlock… We love you so very much, Crowley. Adam and I ventured to Hell and back for you. What Lilith and Asmodeus showed you was not love. They manipulated your mind, poisoned your thoughts, set you up against me and humanity… Rewarded for doing evil. You know it’s not love.”

“This is how demons love,” Crowley said, the answer was automatic on his tongue like it they weren’t his words.

“This is not how _you_ love,” Aziraphale insisted. “You do things to keep the world running, protect children when no one’s watching, help bring justice to those who were wronged and helpless… You do grander gestures for people close to you, like myself, Warlock and Adam. You never say you love us, but it’s a true love and it shines so brightly in you.”

“You’re no better than them. You just use me for things I give you,” the demon mumbled, once more a repeated thoughts he was taught.

“I admit I… didn’t properly reciprocated half of your acts of love. I was… afraid.” the angel confessed. “I was scared I’d Fall. I’m a terrible angel as it is and I dread to think how awful of a demon I’d make. You know very well I sometimes balance on a very fine line. I was scared that being with you the way I desired would be a sin, but now I know I was a fool. God Herself sent me on a mission to save you, gave me my sword back as well to keep us safe. I’m so sorry it took such a horrible situation to make me realize the error of my ways. I’m so sorry I ever thought that loving you was wrong.”

Crowley looked at him, his expressions nearly as blank as the time Aziraphale found him first. The angel dreaded the other being’s response and silence hung heavily between them.

“You seem honest,” the demon said after a while. “But that doesn’t mean I trust a single word you say. Lilith and Asmodeus accepted all of me and never thought loving me was bad.”

“But they never accepted your love for me. Your love for Earth and humans,” Aziraphale pointed out. “They tried to change you, make you their puppet. They never accepted the… human, or dare I say, angelic part of you.”

The word ‘angelic’ caused a reaction from Crowley. Suddenly, the angel found himself pinned down on the couch.

“There’s nothing _angelic_ in me,” the demon sneered. “Everything good and beautiful in me died very long time ago. I’m a monster and always will be.”

Aziraphale looked up, not even a little scared. There was a sad smile on his lips as he listened to Crowley’s self hatred.

“You’re better than you think you are,” the angel said, gently brushing his fingers over sharp cheekbone of the demon’s face. “In fact, you proven to be better than certain archangels I can think of. I could imagine you getting your Grace back, even. She must’ve forgiven you to send me to your rescue. If only you could forgive yourself as well…”

Golden snake eyes looked down at Aziraphale, so full of shock, wonder and brokenness… They welled up in tears again. Blood was streaming down the pale face and the angel reached to wipe them away and pull the demon for a tight hug.

“I’m not going to go back on this,” Aziraphale whispered. “I made you wait so very, very long and put you through such heartache… I will never do that to you again. We can be together forever.”

“And what about your boyfriend?” Crowley asked quietly between subsiding sobs.

“Oh, well… He decided to end the relationship while you were still asleep. I never gave him all of my heart, because you’ve taken up most of it. I should’ve treated him better as well. I wronged you both.”

They laid down in tight embrace for a long while. Crowley felt lost and conflicted. He could have now all he ever dreamed of, but he felt he owed his loyalty to Lilith and Asmodeus. Part of him wanted to stay and another wanted to run back the two demons.

“I can’t… Aziraphale, I can’t…” he whimpered, his head spinning from the battle inside his mind.

“Hush, darling,” the angel cooed, cradling the other close. “You waited so long for me. I will wait for you, too, as long as you need me to.”

The demon relaxed, some of the stress of having to choose evaporated. He snuggled against his angel, feeling safer, warmer and more loved than he ever did with Asmodeus and Lilith.

Alas, his decision didn’t come that day, nor that month, nor even that year. He took six years to begin to realize the depth of abuse done to him. After that, Crowley needed entire decade to feel reassured of Aziraphale’s love for him. Meanwhile, the angel patiently waited and surrounded him with love each time he needed it, every step of the way. It was hard to want so much and to feel so scared of having it. Crowley discovered how nice it was to be on receiving end of affection and Aziraphale liked giving it. With time, there came balance to their relationship and when it arrived, the demon was finally ready to take another step. 


End file.
